Autumn of life

Jane kaise log hathon ki lakeeron se nikal jaya karte hain, phir kabhi na wapis aane ke liye, Chale jate hain phir ye bhi nahi dekhte k koi akela rah gaya hai peeche, wo jo kabhi sab se apna tha..wo jo aaj sab se paraya ho chuka hai. Ajeeb log or unse kuch ajeeb se rishte, bewajah se bane huye! fir bhi kisi nam k rishte se jyada pass or bhari.

Ek or Goodbye!!!!

Aaj uski baton se laga jaise wo chahti hai main use ab yad bhi na karun. Dheere dheere hi sahi wo batane lagi hai k kitne kareeb aa chuke hain wo log. Aaj jab maine usko puchha ke kya agar hamare beech me se sab problems hat jayain to kya tum mere pass wapis aana chahogi? Usne kaha 'pata nahi'. Mere liye ye sun na kafi tha sab kuch samjhne k liye. Wo ab mere pass wapis bhi nahi aana chahti. Wo usko ab itna jyada pasand karne lagi hai. Usne ye bhi kaha k wo us din shimla me milne k bad use ghar tak chhodne bhi aaya tha. or ye bhi k " mujhe lagta hai k main us ke sath bahoot khush rahungi" Main ye sab sun ne ke bare me soch kar hi kamp jata hun or tum kitni aasani se ye sab kah deti ho na. Ja Monks..jee le apni zindgi.

uski yad....baki kuch pass nahi

Kaisa akelapan hai ye? Akele ho ke bhi akela nahi. Itni yadain to hain sath me...roz ek ek yad ko, yadon se bhare bakse se nikalo..jhad ponchh kar saf karo...kya khoob chamak kar phir maze deti hai...phir niharte raho...der tak..or yad bhi aisi k tod de bas shareer ko...zindagi guzar jaye aise k pata bhi na chale, or lage k bas pichhli rat ki hi to bat hai..shhh uski yad..baki kuch pass nahi.

After Unfriending her....

aaj kitni bar tere calls ko cut kiya na..i kno tujhe bahoot bura laga hoga..maine kaha hai na tujhe k tera bar bar phone karna tujhe itni  taqleef nahi dega..jitna mujhe tere phone calls ko cut kar k hoti hai... main karun bhi to kya? kaise sah pata hun main ye main hi janta hun k tu or wo ek sath....soch kar hi ruh kamp jati hai...janti hai Monks?..agar teri life me wo nahi hota to main tujhe kabhi bhi yun nahi chhodta, na hi tujh se dooor jata. mujhe pata tha k mere door jane se bhi tu akeeli nahi hogi..or ye achhha bhi to hai...isliye chala gaya..par sach me kabhi bhi door to ja hi nahi paya...Hamesha se hi to tere pass me hi hun...bas thodi door se chupke chupke follow kar raha hun..tujhe badi hote dekh raha hun din par din. Ek din tu bahoot bada ho jayega....Itni himmat kash mujh me rahe k tera sath tab bhi na chhhodun.. Mere ander se kabhi mat jana..ek power milti hai tujh se...jo hamesha mere sath rahti hai. Love u my Monks.

Aaj uska phone aaya

O mera Monkchee...! tujhe bhool jaun aisa to hoga nahi na yar, aaj tera phone nahi uthaya to aisa mat sochiyo k sab khatam ho gaya. khuch to styles mere bhi sahan kar le, sare sitam karne ka tune hi soch kar rakha hai kya?.kuch to thoda sa hi sahi tu bhi tadaf k dekh. kaisa feel hota hai? nahi saha jata na. mere bare me kabhi to, kabhi to meri monks ..soch k to dekh..kaisa lagta hoga mujhe jab ..rat ko tum batain karti hogi us se or main usi samay jagta hua bas teri yadon me khoya tujhe mahsoos karta hunga...us mahsoos karne me tera parayapan jab mahsooos hota hoga to tujhe lagta hai..k main so pata hunga? Sona to mumkin nahi na..chain mil jaye to bhi bahoot hai na? Karoon bhi ti kya? tera kasooor bhi to nahi hai na Monkchee...Bas fir bhi agar kuch hai tere dil me baki mere liye..to sahti rah tu bhi....tera to pata nahi hai mujhe monks sachhi,par maine ek or ladki ki zinndgi bhi kharab kar di hai, or wo ladki aabhi to mere sath nahi hai..par jab kabhi wo hogi,  wo mera pyar nahi jo pa payegi yar...Damn

aaaj mera tet ka result aaya to tujhe meri yad aayi Monkchee...? phir jane kab koi result aaye kya tu tb ka wait karti mujhe sms ya phir phone karne k liye? Do rishte kabhi ek sath nahi chal sakte Monks, nahi chal sakte. Abhi ke liye tu wahi sambhal jo tujhe lagta hai jyada jaroori hai....Love u Monkchee pong

13/46 Memories Lane..too dark, too alone

Taqleef ye bat nahi deti k wo badal gaya, taqleef to tab hoti hai jab jab yad aata hai k wo kaisa hua karta tha. Mera monks, mera to tha...kab kisi or ka ho gaya pata hi nahi chala. Sab kuchh ab naya to hai mere tere liye, mere liye ye naye naye shahar, naye log or naya samay. fir bhi kyo sare naye pal teri yadon k sath hi beet te hain.kyu har jagah bus teri hi yadain hain...sare naye chehron me tujhe hi dhunda karta hun..Tu aa ja na ye sab theek karne Monks. tera Neeji ab bi tujhe bahoot yad karta hai.

unfriending her...

Aaj usko facebook se unfriend kar diya. or karta bhi kya ...meri wajah se wo usko friend bhi nahi bana paa rahi thi. jb ki real life me wo shayad us me itni gum hai k wo mujhe bhi bhool chuki hai. fb ye sab artificial world me friend hone se kya fark padta hai waise bhi? yahan real life me hi usko mere liye fursat nahi. Mujhe aajkal koi bhi naye songs achhe nahi lagte...khaskar Vicky dono k..kyo ki shayad wo sunti hai un songs ko uske liye..so mujhe achhhe nahi lagte..mukhtsar mulaqat hai bhi achha nahi lagta..or na "hona tha pyar" ...koi love story, love scenes kuch bhi nahi achhha lagta. pahle travel karte samay hamesha songs hi sunta rahta tha ghanto..par ab wo bhi man nahi karta...m living from outside but dying from inside. sab kuch us se hi tha...ab wo nahi to kuch bhi nahi.

ek or din.ek or rat....uske bina

meri soch ki duniya...kitni chhoti kitni badi! chhoti si duniya isliye k bas wo hi to basti hai is me. uske siwa kuch nahi, kuch bhi nahi. na garmiyon ki shamo ki thandak ka maza, na hi koi or khushi. hmmmm..badi isliye k kitni yadain uski jo har pal muje satati hain...kitni batain kabhi khatam hi nahi hongi. Tum ja chuki ho..mujhe pata hai, nayi duniya tumhari, jisme mere liye koi jagah nahi. hai na Monkchee? khud par se vishwas uth gaya Monks tere aisa karne se. Tujhe pata hai k main pal pal mar raha hun tere bagair, phir bhi tu ek bar bhi palat kar nahi dekhti. Kitni khush hai tu apni duniya me! pata hai Monkchee! jis din tu ye samjhegi na, tu bahoot royegi meri Monks. kash aisa kabhi na ho. par aisa hua na agar to  main teri tarah nahi karunga, main wapis tere pas hi hunga Monks. Abhi ja tu jahan tu ja rahi hai...par jab bhi kabhi wo tere hathon ko chhuega na monks..or us se bhi jyada kuchh...tujhe meri yad to aayegi Monkchee, mujhe ye pata hai. O meri Monks...sach me ye sab kitna achha hai na, k tu itni khush hai k tujhe meri bilkul yad hi nahi aati. Kabhi agar meri jaisi feelings tu jee kar dekhegi na, to tu itna tootegi na Monks k tujhe abhi iska koi guman nahi hai. par tu dariyo mat main tere aas pass hi hunga kahin. Par bus ek bar pukar lena..mujhe apne sath paogi.

Another day in my life I am insecure.

M I got broken up with you today? ya fir teri meri dosti ki ye ek nayi shuruaat hai? Aaj tujhse itni batain kar ke dil karta hai k ek chhote se bag me hamari kuch chuni huyi yadain mostly wo jinko main kabhi nahi bhula sakta, pack karun or bas chala jaun, teri uski zindagi se door...Par jab bhi tujhe meri jaroorat ho main hun tere sath..par tab tak ke liye Meri Monks... bas chala jaoon, chala jaoon, chala jaoon. or tujhe yad bhi na aaoon. kya main apne past se bahar aa raha hun? naaaaaaaaaaa... i..to kya hai phir ye? Aaj tune bata hi diya na k how much you feel for him. I am no much special for you monks...janta hun abhi tujhe bhi ye nahi pata..par tu alag kar chuki hai mujhe khud se jane anjane...tu bhi par kabhi mujhe bhula to nahi payegi..ye mujhe bhi pata hai...Some day you will miss me when I will go.

We laughed, we talked, we fought, we loved, we lived a complete love life. I liked everything about being in a relationship with you. No regrets.

I am a real headache & a mistake for u now. M causing nothing but trouble. Main samajh sakta hun agar tum mujh se kabhi bat hi na karo, or agar tum 'its over' wali feelings se bhi mujhe treat karogi, usme bhi mujhe koi problem honi hi nahi chahiye...u wil always be right my Monks. Waise bhi tujhe mujh se bhi achha wo mil gaya hai, khoya hai to bas sab kuch maine.

Confession

Mujhe maaf kar de meri Monkchee. Mafi mangne layak bhi nahi main..Bus tu khush rahe..or mujhe phir kuch nahi chahiye meri Monks. Main khud ham dono ke liye kuch nahi kar saka..bus selfish sa tujhe hamesha kosta rahata hun...m such a coward & a big big looser. Zindagi bhar ki tanhayi mil chuki hai mujhe. Ab is se badi saza kya hogi mere liye. But kasam se Monks..do sal ki zindagi jo jee tere sath bas wahi samay tha jisko yad kar main hamesha ye mahsoos kar paunga k, meri zindgi bekaar nahi gayi. Tere sath bitaye har pal abhi bhi mujhe waise hi yad hain...wo pal jisme hamne toot kar pyar kiya, wo pal jisme khoob sari ladayi bhi ki..sab wo pal meri zindgi ka saransh hain. M proud to be have u in my life. Tune meri zindagi badal dee Monks..nahi to main aisa Neeraj jise tune bhi pyar kiya, kabhi nahi ban pata. Love u meri jan.

Few Good Bye SMSs !!!!!

To Monks- Lets not call or sms to each other atleast for 10 days. I wil not pic ur calls. u have moved on so much. N its good too. But I cant live an ignored life with you anymore monks. I dont want consolodatory calls or sms of urs. Pichhle dino jab tum us se bat kar rahi hoti thi to main puri puri rat sota nahi tha tere reply ke wait me.Tujhe ye sab pata tha fir bhi? Our world is no more exists now. It is like a dying relationship.Ab wo feelings wapis nahi aa payengi. But we have so much to remember na. 4 u its much easy to do or not to miss me as you have done so many times easily. its my turn now. let me go. u kno I will be ok now. No other girl will take ur place aisi koi hai hi nahi. Tujh se bhi koi shikayat nahi. U r a sweetheart. I kno you dont want to hurt me, thats y u hide things. Love u for this.M out. Liv ur life.
29.05.2012 10:29 pm

From Monks- Good morning. Just read ur msg. Neeji u go n llive ur life too. i 'will be happy if u will find someone. As far as my life is concerned, its full of confusions. PLzz forgiv me for what i have done with u...i dont understand wt m dooing..bt i hate myself. You have to hate me too neeji only then you will be able to forget me. U go neeji..n i wish dat u have smone best u kno..bye neeji..bye
30.5.2012 7:10 am


To Monks- U r doing nothing wrong. N y i should hate u? m sad coz i have lost u. meri monxi ab kisi or k sath? Just cant live with this. N u dont have time & feelings left too n i have felt that Monx. Maine bhi last year tere sath yahi kiya tha or tu chali gayi. Par maine aisa kisi or k liye nahi kiya tha. Let it all. jb b dil kare Monkchee call kar laiyo. Tera neeji hamesha phone uthayega. Bas kuch din ruk ja. Ek bar tere gale lag kar rona baki rah gaya. Lov u monkchi pong. wil nvr forget u
30.5.2012 7:23 am

FlashBack-1

Jab kabhi DIET ke dino me ghar jana hota tha to Monkchee ki bas ek hi khawaish hoti thi, or wo thi KASAAR. Monks ko Kasaar bahoot pasand tha. Main bhi jab jab jata, Mumma ko bolta or Mumma jhat pat bana kar de deti. Anki usko paa kar bahoot khush hoti. Kitni chhoti chhoti cheezaio se bhi Monks khush ho jaya karti thi. Uski us ek hansee mujhe kamzor karne k liye kafi hoti thi. Wo aksar class me thoda sa Kasaar le kar aati roz..fir mujhe de deti chup k se. .Main aksar usko tease karta rahta tha..ek din wo thoda saa Kasaar thoda thoda kar ke bant rahi thi sabhi ko. Mujhe jo diya, usme se bahoot sa bhag maine sandeep ko de diya. usko ye dekh kar bahoot gussa aaya, Usne phir se mujhe apne hisse ka Kasaar diya or bola ke ye ab Sandeep ko mat dena, ye aap k liye hai..plz isko aap hi khana. Maine usko tease karne k liye wo sara kasaar sandeep ko de diya...Monks ko is par bahoot gussa aaya. Sandeep ya Pinku ne poocha k Anki kyo gussa hai? Maine bola ke us ne jo Kasaar mere liye laya tha wo maine sandeep ko de diya isliye Gussa hai. ye sun te hi Monks ne apne hath me rakha kasaar gusse se mere chehre par de mara. or phir us sham ya phir shayad agle din tak bhi mujh se udas rahi. Aisi thi wo..Par ham dono kuchh hi der ruthe rah sakte the ek doosre se.....Ek baar phir se rooth ja Monks...main phir se tujhe waise hi manana chahta hun...aaja ek bar phir se.