The Last Meet

Everyone - follower or non follower - knows Krishna and all the famous tales about him ..However very very few know about tales of Radha . Just Radha .Her perspective. Her viewpoint . Yet we call "Radha Krishna" as our Lord and not Krishna alone . We have their idols showing them as two ...yet when you study and research deep the mythological meaning or implied meaning(s) is.. that they are ONE !!! Just one soul ....one world..one life...one meaning...one UNION . However for now I dont want to dwelve deep into philosophy or pyschology or mythological reasoning or spirituality or anything.. I just want to enjoy the beauty of this story...plain simple !! Treat it as FICTION . The lesser known story of my lord and your lord.. Via Harsh Nevatia's articles ( the bits I loved the best and below ) Introduction Radha has been perceived differently by different people down the ages. She is sometimes the adulterous and amorous lover of Krishna and at others his divine consort. This perhaps makes her the most confusing character in Indian mythology. In the eastern religious tradition, she is however accepted as a beloved of Lord Krishna but the wife of another, sometimes mentioned by name as Aiyyan. Anyway, Krishna without Radha is unthinkable, and I consider the view accepted by general tradition as appropriate .......... Part 1 Krishna went to his mother, Yashoda, and turned on the full force of his charm. "Mother," he said, "I want you to send a message to Radha's family, asking for her hand in marriage." Yashoda thought this was another of Krishna's pranks. But when Krishna persisted she replied firmly and clearly. She said, " You cannot marry Radha for several reasons. She is engaged to Aiyyan. You are the son of a chief and her family is much lower in status. She is older than you. And she is a brazen girl, totally unfit to be a wife." Krishna then used his final weapon. He threatened that his mother would not only lose a lovely daughter-in-law if she refused, but also her son. Yashoda then asked him to settle the matter with his father. So Krishna went to Nand and repeated his request. His father said with a wink, "I have noticed that you are spending more and more time with the girls lately. No wonder you want one for yourself. There are many chieftains who would willingly wed their daughters to you." Krishna interrupted and said that he wanted to marry Radha and not a chieftain's daughter. The arguments were repeated. Finally Nand said he was no match for Krishna in a debate. Their family priest, Sage Garg, was arriving the next day and Nand would refer the matter to him. Krishna told Sage Garg that since he and Radha desired each other, they should get married. Garg replied that desire as a reason for mating is the way of animals. The matching of temperaments, family backgrounds and future plans should be considered while selecting a spouse. Krishna stated that even as per these considerations he could not find any fault with his choice. Radha's temperament was perfectly matched to his, their family backgrounds were similar and both of them would be spending the rest of their lives in Vrindavan doing what the men and women of Vrindavan had always been doing. Sage Garg then said, "I think it is time to tell you the truth about your birth. You are the eighth son of Prince Vasudev and Devaki. It was prophesied that you would kill your maternal uncle Kansa and deliver the Yadava race from his tyranny. Hence you were secretly brought to Gokul and were brought up as the son of Nand and Yashoda. The great sage Vyasa has foretold that you will be the leader of the Yadava race and the saviour of all humanity. Hence I have brought Sage Sandipani with me, who is to begin your education in the scriptures, procedures of governance and the art of warfare. We all have great expectations of you. Radha is a village girl. She will not be a suitable companion in this endeavour. That is why we are against this marriage." Krishna quietly digested what had been said and then replied softly but firmly. "First of all I would like to aver that Nand and Yashoda are my parents and I will always look upon them as such. Then I would request you to keep the story of my birth a secret from the people of Vrindavan till it is time for me to leave. If they learn the truth then their attitude towards me will change and this I will not be able to bear. You say that I am to deliver all humanity from suffering. I cannot begin this formidable task by thrusting the person who loves me the most into unbearable suffering. From the moment Radha saw me tied to the mortar eight years ago, there has not been a single day that she has not waited for me. With every breath that she has drawn she has taken my name. For her spring comes when I come to meet her and winter begins when I leave her. If I had died fighting Kaliya, the poisonous snake, many in Vrindavan would have been heart broken. Mother would have never stopped crying and father would have lost his smile forever. But Radha would have given up her life there and then. Radha lives for me and in me and I live for her and in her. If you prevent this marriage, you will be depriving me of the right and power to carry out the great tasks you want me to. I beseech you with folded hands to grant your consent." Sage Garg was overcome by the rationality and intensity of this speech. He gave his consent. Radha's joy knew no bound. And in the celebrations that followed Aiyyan was forgotten. --------- Part 2 The news that Krishna was leaving spread like wildfire throughout Vrindavan. The youth sensed that they were losing a staunch friend; the maidens sensed that they were losing a man of their dreams and Radha.... Before Radha could even begin to ponder upon the consequences, the melodious sound of a flute wafted throughout the village. The women left what they were doing and ran to the Madhuban. There was no time to wear their ornaments or comb their hair. While running they tried to arrange their clothes to give an appearance of modesty but soon gave up. Radha picked up her anklets and raced ahead of everyone else, her bosom heaving with excitement. Her Kahn was calling her. Krishna was standing in his usual spot, his right leg crossed over his left, and playing his flute with gay abandon. Radha cuddled up to him and began to sway in the rhythm of his music. The other maidens formed circles around them and began to dance. The men folk, the elders and children too had come there, but were watching from a distance, so as not to embarrass the dancers. Every maiden wanted Krishna to dance only with her, every maiden imagined that Krishna was dancing only with her and the spectators could see a multitude of Krishnas, each dancing separately with one of the lasses. Such is the power of love; such is the power of faith. This was the Maharasa or the "great dance". When the dancing stopped Krishna and Radha were missing. Radha and Krishna were heading for their favourite nook in the Madhuban, near the Yamuna river. Radha was in Krishna's arms, her tousled head resting on his shoulder. "Will you always be like this, Kahn?" asked Radha. "Always," he replied, "Till the sun and the moon endure." But Radha was not satisfied by this assurance. "Will you always remember me?" she asked. "How can I forget you," replied Krishna, "You are my Goddess of beauty and joy." They reached their destination and huddled close together on the mossy grass. They kissed tentatively at first, but the pent-up passions soon engulfed them and they united in body and soul. After a while Radha got up and began to tie her disheveled tresses into a knot. "Will we always be together after we are married," she inquired uncertainly. Krishna replied that they were inseparable and that they had just got married according to the Gandharva tradition. According to the this tradition, sexual intercourse among consenting couples was tantamount to the marriage rituals provided the male was of royal descent. "You will always be my prince," said Radha, "but you are not of royal blood. And I do not regret our love making so you do not have to justify it." Then Krishna narrated the story of his birth, of his being the redeemer and his leaving for Mathura before dawn. Radha let the whole narration sink in and appeared to be forming some decisions of her own. "Is there anything that can make you stay?" she asked. "Nothing can hold me from my destiny and my duty." Replied Krishna firmly. "Why do you worry? Are you afraid that I will die at Kansa's hands? It will be over soon and then I will call you to Mathura" "No, I am sure that you will kill Kansa. And then you will become the king of the Yadavas. A lot of people will look up to you, will bow down before you, and will depend on you. You will become the saviour of humanity," said Radha. "And you will be my queen, by my side always," added Krishna. "No," replied Radha surely. "I am a poor cowherd girl. I will be lost in the palace intrigues. There will be many princesses wooing you and wanting you at any cost. I will be awkward and gawky compared to them. This village girl will be a handicap to you in your new avatar. For you will undeniably change. Your life will be filled with politics and manipulations. You will fight wars and participate in destruction. That will be a part of your destiny and I don't pass judgment. But the Kahn I loved was a cowherd boy, whose calling in life was to graze cattle, who played the flute and danced in the woods and whose crown was a peacock feather and weapon was a bamboo staff. I will not be able to see you in any other form." Radha was now sobbing convulsively and Krishna has to take her in his arms to calm her down. After regaining her composure Radha continued. "Please listen to me Kahn! Let me stay here and take care of your parents. Here in Vrindavan I will see you in the waters of the Yamuna, the slopes of Govardhan and the trees of Madhuban and hence I will always be with the Kahn I knew." They sat silently for a while reflecting on the past, savouring the last moments of togetherness and coming to terms with the future. Krishna broke the silence. "You are right Radha. In Mathura I will have to change and if you come with me then you will have to change as well. I will not be the Krishna you knew and you will not be the Radha I knew. We will not be able to replicate the magic we weaved here. And without either of us here, Vrindavan too will wither away. But if you stay back, then Vrindavan will become an enduring shrine to our love and you will be its deity." Krishna then told Radha that preparations had been made for them to get married in the Vedic manner and since the auspicious moment was drawing near they should return. Radha requested that Krishna leave his flute behind as a gift to her and Krishna readily agreed. It was time for the final parting. The villagers had turned out to personally meet Krishna. Radha stood beside her mother in law, dressed in bridal finery, her face covered modestly by her sari. From time to time she looked up at Krishna, each glance a pledge of eternal devotion. Krishna's eyes met Radha's each time and he smiled at her reassuringly. Any other communication in front of the elders would be out of place. So no words were said and no hands touched. Krishna touched his mother's feet and mounted the bullock cart with Nand, Balaram and Akrura. Radha looked without blinking at the cart till it disappeared round the corner and then fainted. Krishna never set foot in Vrindavan again. ------------- Part 3 Krishna never set foot in Vrindavan again. But legend has it that he did come face to face with Radha once, later … much later. After he had killed Kansa and become the leader of the Yadavas. After he had shifted his capital from Mathura to Dwarka. After he had married Rukmini and Satyabhama and the others. It was at the occasion of a total solar eclipse. A massive congregation had gathered at the field of Kurukshetra to bathe in the holy tank of Syamantapanchaka after the eclipse. (It was said that a dip in this tank after eclipses purified the soul. It was here that the great sage Parshurama had come to atone for killing the evil kings and warriors. He established that all killing is sinful, even when the persons killed are evil and deserve to die, even killing in war. Hence all killings have to be atoned for.) All the major kingdoms were represented. Krishna was leading the Yadavas. Dhritarashtra of Hastinapur was there with his sons the Kauravas and nephews the Pandavas. So were many other kings. Little did they know that soon they would be engaged in a do or die battle on this very field some years later. Many common folk had come as well. Among them was the cowherd community of Vrindavan. When Krishna's parents, Vasudev and Devaki learnt of this they wanted to meet Nand and Yashoda. They had never met Krishna's foster parents and wanted to thank them for taking care of their son in his formative years. The meeting was a very emotional one. Balaram met his old cronies and reminisced about old times. But when Krishna came face to face with Radha no words were said. No hands stretched to meet each other, no smile played upon lips and no eyes sparkled with delight. Only a million thoughts flashed through each mind and a deluge of tears flowed from each pair of eyes. Radha had promised not to get involved with Krishna's later life and she intended to keep that promise. Krishna did not want to say or do something that would make things difficult for Radha. They stood staring stonily at each other till all the thoughts were exhausted and the eyes were dry. Though Krishna and Radha had been physically separated, they had been inseparable spiritually and would continue to be so till the end of the world. Radha had seen the splendour in which Krishna's wives lived and the joy he lavished on them. But she knew that his tears were for her alone and that each drop was more valuable than all the riches of the world. Krishna knew that Vrindavan would be enshrined forever because of Radha's sacrifice. Both were assured that they had taken the correct decision many years ago. Without saying anything they said everything and went their separate ways. They never saw each other again.

Oyeee Monks.

O Monks! Janti hai? tu mere liye duniya ki sab se khoobsoorat ladki hai…Agar koi or tujh se achhi hai bhi to mujhe nahi janna us ke bare me. Isi wajah se mujhe tere alawa koi ladki achhi hi nahi lagti monks.. Par main tere liye duniya ka sab se achha ladka nahi hun na ab? Main tujhe itna pyar nahi kar saka na..k tu mere pass hi rahti...mera tujhe kam pyar karna hi wo wajah rahi hogi k tune bahoot pahle hi us se bat karna shuru kar diya tha. or us se batain karte karte tune kab mujhe bhula diya ye tujhe bhi pata nahi chala na? main janta hun k tu bahoot khush hai us ke sath, aisa tu hi to kahti hai.


Mere liye tujhe yad karte rahna hi bahoot hai. Tere sath beetaya samay yad karna kitna mazedar hai, ye tu nahi samjhegi abhi. wo wo din the jab tum mujh me khoyi rahti thi..or main tujh me. tere juda hone ka ahsas dooor tak kahin nahi tha...par tujhe tha shayad...Subah tujh se shuru hoti thi.or rat tere sath khatam...din me to tu mere samne hi to rahti thii hamesha. fir kuch aisa hua k sab kuchh badal gaya...ye sab shayad nahi badalta par wo aaya..or sab badal gaya. janti hai na tu isi wajah se main us se nafrat karta hun..us ne tujhe chhina monkchhi mujh se. or tu bhi to kitni aasani se chali gayi. or aisi gayi k wapis bhi nahi aana chahti. kaise kitna kuch bas yun hi badal jaya karta hai.

Pichhla kuch Baki

I was a trouble na Monks? But now no more...Na main tumko call karta hun, na tum mujhe. sms bhi aaya karte the tumhare ...ab wo bhi aane band ho gaye. Main samajh sakta hun agar tumne soch bhi liya hai k mujh se bat nahi karogi ab! par kya sach me mujhe phone na karna, ignore karna tumhe khushi dene laga hai? Uska ahsas itna strong hai k main ab tumhe yad nahi aata? Bahoot se ahsas, bahoot si yadain mere hi aaspas bikhri padi hain, tu to akele hi chali gayi thi na uske pas, kuch bhi to sath nahi le gayi, Usne poocha bhi hoga ye kyu khali hath aayi ho? or tum ne kitni aasani se kah diya hoga..k kya lati? kuch tha hi nahi lane ko. or usne bhi sach man liya hoga..Ek number ki actor jo ho...kab sach bolti ho or kab jhoot pata hi nahi chalta... par tere jane ke bad kabhi dil bhi nahi kiya mera k jhadoo uthoon or in idhar udhar bikhri padi yadon ko samet kar dustbin me dal dun. Aisa main kabhi kar bhi nahi paunga. Tera ek wooden kada abhi bhi mere pas hai, tujhe yad bhi hai ya nahi pata nahi, wahi brown color ka kadaa jo main aksar pahna karta tha..or ek bar wo toot gaya tha or maine use quickfix se jod bhi diya tha..uske bad main kabhi usko pahan bhi nahi paya ...nahi to wo toot jata...Rishte bhi aise hi hote hain na...ek bar toot jayain to phir jud to jate hain par phir un me wo bat nahi rahti. Yahi dar laga rahta hai k kahin fir se na toot jayain Ab tera us se bat karne ka time ho gaya hoga na? phir milte hain yahin kal ya fir parson.

Autumn of life

Jane kaise log hathon ki lakeeron se nikal jaya karte hain, phir kabhi na wapis aane ke liye, Chale jate hain phir ye bhi nahi dekhte k koi akela rah gaya hai peeche, wo jo kabhi sab se apna tha..wo jo aaj sab se paraya ho chuka hai. Ajeeb log or unse kuch ajeeb se rishte, bewajah se bane huye! fir bhi kisi nam k rishte se jyada pass or bhari.

Ek or Goodbye!!!!

Aaj uski baton se laga jaise wo chahti hai main use ab yad bhi na karun. Dheere dheere hi sahi wo batane lagi hai k kitne kareeb aa chuke hain wo log. Aaj jab maine usko puchha ke kya agar hamare beech me se sab problems hat jayain to kya tum mere pass wapis aana chahogi? Usne kaha 'pata nahi'. Mere liye ye sun na kafi tha sab kuch samjhne k liye. Wo ab mere pass wapis bhi nahi aana chahti. Wo usko ab itna jyada pasand karne lagi hai. Usne ye bhi kaha k wo us din shimla me milne k bad use ghar tak chhodne bhi aaya tha. or ye bhi k " mujhe lagta hai k main us ke sath bahoot khush rahungi" Main ye sab sun ne ke bare me soch kar hi kamp jata hun or tum kitni aasani se ye sab kah deti ho na. Ja Monks..jee le apni zindgi.

uski yad....baki kuch pass nahi

Kaisa akelapan hai ye? Akele ho ke bhi akela nahi. Itni yadain to hain sath me...roz ek ek yad ko, yadon se bhare bakse se nikalo..jhad ponchh kar saf karo...kya khoob chamak kar phir maze deti hai...phir niharte raho...der tak..or yad bhi aisi k tod de bas shareer ko...zindagi guzar jaye aise k pata bhi na chale, or lage k bas pichhli rat ki hi to bat hai..shhh uski yad..baki kuch pass nahi.

After Unfriending her....

aaj kitni bar tere calls ko cut kiya na..i kno tujhe bahoot bura laga hoga..maine kaha hai na tujhe k tera bar bar phone karna tujhe itni  taqleef nahi dega..jitna mujhe tere phone calls ko cut kar k hoti hai... main karun bhi to kya? kaise sah pata hun main ye main hi janta hun k tu or wo ek sath....soch kar hi ruh kamp jati hai...janti hai Monks?..agar teri life me wo nahi hota to main tujhe kabhi bhi yun nahi chhodta, na hi tujh se dooor jata. mujhe pata tha k mere door jane se bhi tu akeeli nahi hogi..or ye achhha bhi to hai...isliye chala gaya..par sach me kabhi bhi door to ja hi nahi paya...Hamesha se hi to tere pass me hi hun...bas thodi door se chupke chupke follow kar raha hun..tujhe badi hote dekh raha hun din par din. Ek din tu bahoot bada ho jayega....Itni himmat kash mujh me rahe k tera sath tab bhi na chhhodun.. Mere ander se kabhi mat jana..ek power milti hai tujh se...jo hamesha mere sath rahti hai. Love u my Monks.

Aaj uska phone aaya

O mera Monkchee...! tujhe bhool jaun aisa to hoga nahi na yar, aaj tera phone nahi uthaya to aisa mat sochiyo k sab khatam ho gaya. khuch to styles mere bhi sahan kar le, sare sitam karne ka tune hi soch kar rakha hai kya?.kuch to thoda sa hi sahi tu bhi tadaf k dekh. kaisa feel hota hai? nahi saha jata na. mere bare me kabhi to, kabhi to meri monks ..soch k to dekh..kaisa lagta hoga mujhe jab ..rat ko tum batain karti hogi us se or main usi samay jagta hua bas teri yadon me khoya tujhe mahsoos karta hunga...us mahsoos karne me tera parayapan jab mahsooos hota hoga to tujhe lagta hai..k main so pata hunga? Sona to mumkin nahi na..chain mil jaye to bhi bahoot hai na? Karoon bhi ti kya? tera kasooor bhi to nahi hai na Monkchee...Bas fir bhi agar kuch hai tere dil me baki mere liye..to sahti rah tu bhi....tera to pata nahi hai mujhe monks sachhi,par maine ek or ladki ki zinndgi bhi kharab kar di hai, or wo ladki aabhi to mere sath nahi hai..par jab kabhi wo hogi,  wo mera pyar nahi jo pa payegi yar...Damn

aaaj mera tet ka result aaya to tujhe meri yad aayi Monkchee...? phir jane kab koi result aaye kya tu tb ka wait karti mujhe sms ya phir phone karne k liye? Do rishte kabhi ek sath nahi chal sakte Monks, nahi chal sakte. Abhi ke liye tu wahi sambhal jo tujhe lagta hai jyada jaroori hai....Love u Monkchee pong

13/46 Memories Lane..too dark, too alone

Taqleef ye bat nahi deti k wo badal gaya, taqleef to tab hoti hai jab jab yad aata hai k wo kaisa hua karta tha. Mera monks, mera to tha...kab kisi or ka ho gaya pata hi nahi chala. Sab kuchh ab naya to hai mere tere liye, mere liye ye naye naye shahar, naye log or naya samay. fir bhi kyo sare naye pal teri yadon k sath hi beet te hain.kyu har jagah bus teri hi yadain hain...sare naye chehron me tujhe hi dhunda karta hun..Tu aa ja na ye sab theek karne Monks. tera Neeji ab bi tujhe bahoot yad karta hai.

unfriending her...

Aaj usko facebook se unfriend kar diya. or karta bhi kya ...meri wajah se wo usko friend bhi nahi bana paa rahi thi. jb ki real life me wo shayad us me itni gum hai k wo mujhe bhi bhool chuki hai. fb ye sab artificial world me friend hone se kya fark padta hai waise bhi? yahan real life me hi usko mere liye fursat nahi. Mujhe aajkal koi bhi naye songs achhe nahi lagte...khaskar Vicky dono k..kyo ki shayad wo sunti hai un songs ko uske liye..so mujhe achhhe nahi lagte..mukhtsar mulaqat hai bhi achha nahi lagta..or na "hona tha pyar" ...koi love story, love scenes kuch bhi nahi achhha lagta. pahle travel karte samay hamesha songs hi sunta rahta tha ghanto..par ab wo bhi man nahi karta...m living from outside but dying from inside. sab kuch us se hi tha...ab wo nahi to kuch bhi nahi.

ek or din.ek or rat....uske bina

meri soch ki duniya...kitni chhoti kitni badi! chhoti si duniya isliye k bas wo hi to basti hai is me. uske siwa kuch nahi, kuch bhi nahi. na garmiyon ki shamo ki thandak ka maza, na hi koi or khushi. hmmmm..badi isliye k kitni yadain uski jo har pal muje satati hain...kitni batain kabhi khatam hi nahi hongi. Tum ja chuki ho..mujhe pata hai, nayi duniya tumhari, jisme mere liye koi jagah nahi. hai na Monkchee? khud par se vishwas uth gaya Monks tere aisa karne se. Tujhe pata hai k main pal pal mar raha hun tere bagair, phir bhi tu ek bar bhi palat kar nahi dekhti. Kitni khush hai tu apni duniya me! pata hai Monkchee! jis din tu ye samjhegi na, tu bahoot royegi meri Monks. kash aisa kabhi na ho. par aisa hua na agar to  main teri tarah nahi karunga, main wapis tere pas hi hunga Monks. Abhi ja tu jahan tu ja rahi hai...par jab bhi kabhi wo tere hathon ko chhuega na monks..or us se bhi jyada kuchh...tujhe meri yad to aayegi Monkchee, mujhe ye pata hai. O meri Monks...sach me ye sab kitna achha hai na, k tu itni khush hai k tujhe meri bilkul yad hi nahi aati. Kabhi agar meri jaisi feelings tu jee kar dekhegi na, to tu itna tootegi na Monks k tujhe abhi iska koi guman nahi hai. par tu dariyo mat main tere aas pass hi hunga kahin. Par bus ek bar pukar lena..mujhe apne sath paogi.

Another day in my life I am insecure.

M I got broken up with you today? ya fir teri meri dosti ki ye ek nayi shuruaat hai? Aaj tujhse itni batain kar ke dil karta hai k ek chhote se bag me hamari kuch chuni huyi yadain mostly wo jinko main kabhi nahi bhula sakta, pack karun or bas chala jaun, teri uski zindagi se door...Par jab bhi tujhe meri jaroorat ho main hun tere sath..par tab tak ke liye Meri Monks... bas chala jaoon, chala jaoon, chala jaoon. or tujhe yad bhi na aaoon. kya main apne past se bahar aa raha hun? naaaaaaaaaaa... i..to kya hai phir ye? Aaj tune bata hi diya na k how much you feel for him. I am no much special for you monks...janta hun abhi tujhe bhi ye nahi pata..par tu alag kar chuki hai mujhe khud se jane anjane...tu bhi par kabhi mujhe bhula to nahi payegi..ye mujhe bhi pata hai...Some day you will miss me when I will go.

We laughed, we talked, we fought, we loved, we lived a complete love life. I liked everything about being in a relationship with you. No regrets.

I am a real headache & a mistake for u now. M causing nothing but trouble. Main samajh sakta hun agar tum mujh se kabhi bat hi na karo, or agar tum 'its over' wali feelings se bhi mujhe treat karogi, usme bhi mujhe koi problem honi hi nahi chahiye...u wil always be right my Monks. Waise bhi tujhe mujh se bhi achha wo mil gaya hai, khoya hai to bas sab kuch maine.

Confession

Mujhe maaf kar de meri Monkchee. Mafi mangne layak bhi nahi main..Bus tu khush rahe..or mujhe phir kuch nahi chahiye meri Monks. Main khud ham dono ke liye kuch nahi kar saka..bus selfish sa tujhe hamesha kosta rahata hun...m such a coward & a big big looser. Zindagi bhar ki tanhayi mil chuki hai mujhe. Ab is se badi saza kya hogi mere liye. But kasam se Monks..do sal ki zindagi jo jee tere sath bas wahi samay tha jisko yad kar main hamesha ye mahsoos kar paunga k, meri zindgi bekaar nahi gayi. Tere sath bitaye har pal abhi bhi mujhe waise hi yad hain...wo pal jisme hamne toot kar pyar kiya, wo pal jisme khoob sari ladayi bhi ki..sab wo pal meri zindgi ka saransh hain. M proud to be have u in my life. Tune meri zindagi badal dee Monks..nahi to main aisa Neeraj jise tune bhi pyar kiya, kabhi nahi ban pata. Love u meri jan.

Few Good Bye SMSs !!!!!

To Monks- Lets not call or sms to each other atleast for 10 days. I wil not pic ur calls. u have moved on so much. N its good too. But I cant live an ignored life with you anymore monks. I dont want consolodatory calls or sms of urs. Pichhle dino jab tum us se bat kar rahi hoti thi to main puri puri rat sota nahi tha tere reply ke wait me.Tujhe ye sab pata tha fir bhi? Our world is no more exists now. It is like a dying relationship.Ab wo feelings wapis nahi aa payengi. But we have so much to remember na. 4 u its much easy to do or not to miss me as you have done so many times easily. its my turn now. let me go. u kno I will be ok now. No other girl will take ur place aisi koi hai hi nahi. Tujh se bhi koi shikayat nahi. U r a sweetheart. I kno you dont want to hurt me, thats y u hide things. Love u for this.M out. Liv ur life.
29.05.2012 10:29 pm

From Monks- Good morning. Just read ur msg. Neeji u go n llive ur life too. i 'will be happy if u will find someone. As far as my life is concerned, its full of confusions. PLzz forgiv me for what i have done with u...i dont understand wt m dooing..bt i hate myself. You have to hate me too neeji only then you will be able to forget me. U go neeji..n i wish dat u have smone best u kno..bye neeji..bye
30.5.2012 7:10 am


To Monks- U r doing nothing wrong. N y i should hate u? m sad coz i have lost u. meri monxi ab kisi or k sath? Just cant live with this. N u dont have time & feelings left too n i have felt that Monx. Maine bhi last year tere sath yahi kiya tha or tu chali gayi. Par maine aisa kisi or k liye nahi kiya tha. Let it all. jb b dil kare Monkchee call kar laiyo. Tera neeji hamesha phone uthayega. Bas kuch din ruk ja. Ek bar tere gale lag kar rona baki rah gaya. Lov u monkchi pong. wil nvr forget u
30.5.2012 7:23 am

FlashBack-1

Jab kabhi DIET ke dino me ghar jana hota tha to Monkchee ki bas ek hi khawaish hoti thi, or wo thi KASAAR. Monks ko Kasaar bahoot pasand tha. Main bhi jab jab jata, Mumma ko bolta or Mumma jhat pat bana kar de deti. Anki usko paa kar bahoot khush hoti. Kitni chhoti chhoti cheezaio se bhi Monks khush ho jaya karti thi. Uski us ek hansee mujhe kamzor karne k liye kafi hoti thi. Wo aksar class me thoda sa Kasaar le kar aati roz..fir mujhe de deti chup k se. .Main aksar usko tease karta rahta tha..ek din wo thoda saa Kasaar thoda thoda kar ke bant rahi thi sabhi ko. Mujhe jo diya, usme se bahoot sa bhag maine sandeep ko de diya. usko ye dekh kar bahoot gussa aaya, Usne phir se mujhe apne hisse ka Kasaar diya or bola ke ye ab Sandeep ko mat dena, ye aap k liye hai..plz isko aap hi khana. Maine usko tease karne k liye wo sara kasaar sandeep ko de diya...Monks ko is par bahoot gussa aaya. Sandeep ya Pinku ne poocha k Anki kyo gussa hai? Maine bola ke us ne jo Kasaar mere liye laya tha wo maine sandeep ko de diya isliye Gussa hai. ye sun te hi Monks ne apne hath me rakha kasaar gusse se mere chehre par de mara. or phir us sham ya phir shayad agle din tak bhi mujh se udas rahi. Aisi thi wo..Par ham dono kuchh hi der ruthe rah sakte the ek doosre se.....Ek baar phir se rooth ja Monks...main phir se tujhe waise hi manana chahta hun...aaja ek bar phir se.

Monkchee se batain..

Monkchee...hey. kaisa hai? busy busy with him on phone!!! he he...chor kahin ka!! Mujhe ek dam se kyu bhul gaya Monkchee. Meri yad bilkul bhi nahi aati? Jab jab usne tujhe I love you bola hai, kya tera dil bilkul waise hi dhadka hai, jaise mere liye dhaka tha? Kya tu bhi usko wapis I love you bolta hoga? Mujh se badnaseeb bhi koi hoga kya Is duniya me jo apne samne apni Girl friend ko kisi or ki hota dekh raha hai, or chah kar bhi kuch nahi kar sakta. Din me bahoot kam aise pal honge jab un palon me tu na beete. Kuch aatma watma wala rishta juda hai yar tujh se. to fir kaise juda ho payega tu. mere har sans me, meri ragon me tu hi to daudta hai. hamesha jab bhi tujhe mahsoos karta hun..ek ajeeb sa nasha, ek ajeeb sa dar,, or ek ajeeb see neend aane lagti hai..Doctor iskko low blood pressure kahte hain..haha..tu mere dimag ke sath sath ab body ko bhi control karne lagi? he he!!!!! Kaise beetegi ye zindgi tujh bin monks. Kisi or ka main kaise ho paunga ab? Mujh me ab koi pyar kisi ke liye baki nahi hai, sab to tu le ja chuki apne sath. Ab kuch baki nahi mujh me. Main impotent jaisa ho gaya hun yar..kuch feel hi nahi kar pata kisi k liye bhi.... ohhh tujhe uska call aane wala hoga..or tu bhi soch rahi hogi k kab main jaoon.....chal fir bye.

Wo hamsafar sa...

Meri Monx kaisi hogi? Do din se bat bhi nahi huyi? usne kah jo diya ke Neeji han ! main or wo late night calls bhi karte hain ek doosre ke sath. mujhe ye sab pahle se to pata tha, tujh se mere samne kuchh chhupta to hai nahi. meri Monkchee mere liye hi to sab jhoot bolti rahi..k kahin main toot na jaoon. Hamesha mujhe ek practical aadmi bolti thi, par samay aane par practical decision usi ne liya. Mujhe chhdone ka practical decision. ye end hai ya ek naya start? Aisa kyo hota hai k ham sath sath chalte to hain par sath sath pahunchte kahin nahi. Ye zindagi kaise kaise mod par le aati hai. Shuru me sab kuch aisa jaise Geele geele bahoot se rang kisi canvas par failne ko bekrar, failte bhi hain, ek adhoori si tasweer bhi ubharti hai par fir ye rang feeke hote jate hain or fir aati hai ek black & white nayi duniya jahan safed Dhund se bhare raste hain, jahan kuch dikhta hi nahi, pahle unhi rahon par sath sath chalte hain, phir achanak hath choot jata hai, par phir bhi kayi sal aisa guman hota hai k hath hi to chuuta hai to kya hua, wo hai to yahin sath me hi to chal raha hai. fir jab waqt ek lamba sa mod leta hai kareeb ded sal lamba mod, to pata chalta hai, jiske sath hone ka guman tha wo ab sath nahi, wo to ab rah badal chuka hai, ek nayi rah, ek naya rasta jo hamari zindagi wale raste k sath sath hi chalta hai kabhi door ho jata hai, kabhi pass, or kabhi bas thodi der ke liye hi hamare raste me bhi mil jata hai, fir dhund chhant ti hai to dikhata hai wahi hamsafar jo kabhi hamare sath chal raha tha, ab kisi or ka hamsafar ho gaya hai, chal wo bhi raha hai par rasta alag hai, hath bhi alag ab nazron me wo chamk nahi, jo ek dusre ko dekh kar aati thi. Fir dil ek lambi si aah bharta hai or sochta hai k wo kaun sa pal tha jab uska hath chuta tha, agar nahi chuta hota to wo sath me hota.

Tune mujh se cigarette peena to apni kasam de kar chhuda diya, ek bar palat kar dekh to leti k kitna mushqil ho gaya hai ab jeena. Tu nahi thi isliye to ciigarete peeta tha..tu ab bhi nahi..or ab cigarette bhi nahi. Tere bagair kuch hai hi nahi Monks..tu thi to sab kuch tha mere pass. Ab jaise lagta hai k kuch baki nahi raha. M shocked to see how much you have involved youself into him. M just shocked to see your behavior Monks. Tune to mujhe bhula hi diya yar. Itna neglected & ignored maine kabhi bhi feel nahi kiya. Aisa us me kya hai? Tujhe pata hai tere bagair main kitna pareshan hun..tune tab bhi mujhe ignore kiya na Monks. Main teri jagah hota to aisa kabhi nahi karta.

Bus ride with her..

Pichhle kal tum phir se wahi purani meri Monks lag rahi thi. tera mere kandhe par or God me sar rakh kar sona aaj bahoot yad aa raha hai. Tere hathon me kal k jaisi massage kash main zindagi bhar kar sakta, jab jab tu taklif me hoti. Tu fir se mili, or fir se bichhad gayi. Ek or pyari si yad mere-tere yadon ke khazane me jud gayi, kabhi na bhulne k liye, main thoda sa or ameer ho gaya. Hum pahle bhi kayi bar to aaye hain sath-sath apne apne ghar ke liye, fark sirf itna tha k pahle tu hamesha mujh se bichhadte huye udas ho jaya karti thi, par Is bar tu udas nahi thi. Chor pakdi gayi na!!! Par kal main apne mental conflicts se kahin door bas tere sath tha.

Or ek aaj ka din hai, kitna udas. Sometimes past makes present beautiful, somtimes makes unhappy, alone & sad.

Guzri tarikhain...2009-10

Wo
khoobsoorat din
guzar gaye
phir kabhi na laut kar aane k liye

ab bas kuch
gungunati si hawayain
aati hain..
un dino ki
bheegi bheegi si yadain lekar

jo
phir thahra karti hain
der tak
aankhon me
boondain bankar

missing you my Monx